Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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