I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
