I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
