Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
