I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
