Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
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omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
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Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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