i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
