He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
