just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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