Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(317): View more from Indiana

So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?

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(317): So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself? http://tfl.nu/kpiy

Replies (5) Good night (1655) Bad night (735)
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(815): View more from Illinois

It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.

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(815): It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism. http://tfl.nu/1u0t

Replies (14) Good night (2639) Bad night (965)
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(707): View more from California

last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.

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(707): last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll. http://tfl.nu/u5mu

Replies (34) Good night (5146) Bad night (765)
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(978): View more from Massachusetts

My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.

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(978): My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober. http://tfl.nu/yr07

Replies (13) Good night (4535) Bad night (836)
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(303): View more from Colorado

theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...

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(303): theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner... http://tfl.nu/glgi

Replies (24) Good night (1033) Bad night (5267)
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(802): View more from Vermont

i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.

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(802): i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11. http://tfl.nu/k8vl

Replies (21) Good night (5388) Bad night (2629)
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(858): View more from California

He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities

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(858): He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities http://tfl.nu/i2zo

Replies (3) Good night (2810) Bad night (678)
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(250): View more from British Columbia

Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed

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(250): Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed http://tfl.nu/yyfl

Replies (4) Good night (760) Bad night (1910)
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(949): View more from California

Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.

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(949): Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you. http://tfl.nu/q3ie

Replies (29) Good night (5142) Bad night (916)
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(918): View more from Oklahoma

Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.

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(918): Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose. http://tfl.nu/n06v

Replies (6) Good night (1453) Bad night (509)
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(859): View more from Kentucky

Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?

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(859): Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record? http://tfl.nu/se6e

Replies (6) Good night (1599) Bad night (414)
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(989): View more from Michigan

Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.

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(989): Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing. http://tfl.nu/a55j

Replies (1) Good night (530) Bad night (182)
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(778): View more from British Columbia

can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits

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(778): can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits http://tfl.nu/njr0

Replies (4) Good night (296) Bad night (887)
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(520): View more from Arizona

You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.

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(520): You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha. http://tfl.nu/0ooa

Replies (3) Good night (425) Bad night (207)
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(630): View more from Illinois

and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby

(1-630): View more from Illinois

Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?

(630): View more from Illinois

only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.

(1-630): View more from Illinois

Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here

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(630): and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby (1-630): Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted? (630): only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby. (1-630): Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here http://tfl.nu/fcdg

Replies (2) Good night (291) Bad night (321)

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