i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
