i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
do herpes really smell.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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