If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??