i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research