If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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