Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
