Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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