a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize