Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
