Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
