I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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