hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
