The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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