Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
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