Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Boobs are out for the taking
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
