My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
