When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
