All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
