Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
