pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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