You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
