Well apparently he's into motor boating.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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