I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
