Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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