He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
