Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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