I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
