happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
