Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
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