Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
