Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
