I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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