"it" just moved
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
