he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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