Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
