There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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