get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Rumble strips road head = magical
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Randomize
