At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
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