Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
