ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
