Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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