plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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