would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
