it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
