I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
