I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Randomize
