btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Randomize
