somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
You left your underwear on the fireplace
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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