i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
