its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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