I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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