you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
