There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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