His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
