my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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