Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
