it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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