Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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