She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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