My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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