You can't motorboat a personality
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
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part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
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Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related