Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.