butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.