you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?