Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up