R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier