Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
