I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
