check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
our cab driver is having phone sex.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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